Forgive me SmartSis

Forgive me, My blog ....
For long time, no see !

At times I really feel like sharing things with you but hardly I find time these days ...
Keep your fingers crossed for me, SmartSis notes !

The 20th turn around the Sun

Today, when the hands of the clock ticked towards the position that would represent 2:30 pm, I completed my 20th turn around the Sun. I have been going round and round in one way in the space for 20 times but still wonder why I've not yet learned well, how to find my way in this universe..still I wander in numerous ways, trying a number of them to see if they're the ones I'm expecting!
You know what ? I somewhat reached to this conclusion that I've not been going through exactly the same path in these 20 times. The 19th cycle was differently made from the 20th. Same thing with the 18th. I don't remember going the same way in the 18th time compared to the 19th one ! ... well ... I actually sensed the correctness of the theorem saying: "Time is the fourth dimension."
Happy birthday SmartSis! Feel good girl !. Feel good to have been granted the bless of life for more than 20 years ! .. light up your eyes by looking at the beauties you created, beauties you enjoyed and the beauties bestowed to you .. Enjoy this blossom of youth !
I always loved the number 20. Especially in school whenever I was given a 20, my eyes would be given a glitter of glory(In Iran students are graded out of 20). Maybe that's why I'm feeling kind of different this birthday.
I had an English teacher who once told us something about the specialness of one's birthday. She said that in one's birthday, there are extraterrestrial powers in that person. The effects of the stars turn into a special way. She told us to treasure our birthdays and ask God for good and big wishes since we're more powerful to bring those wishes into reality!
So I took this advice (no matter I believe about the magic of this day or not) and asked my Lord to make my 21th turn around the sun a BIG step ahead in the road of life.. really a BIG one !

Peace

With eager heart and will on fire,
I fought to win my great desire.
"Peace shall be mine," I said; but life
Grew bitter in the weary strife.
My soul was tired, and my pride
Was wounded deep, to Heaven I cried:
"God grant me peace or I must die."
The dumb stars glittered no reply.
Broken at last, I bowed my head,
Forgetting all myself, and said :
"Whatever comes, His will be done."
And in that moment peace was won.


By Henry van Dyke

Human, from cradle to grave ....

These days, the summer leisure time lets us have some time to ponder about many of fundamental things that the hectic life never lets us contemplate on!..Yeah .. Many of us have probably forgotten the cradle where we got brought up!
The other night was one of those special nights ... Having long long talks with mom till late in the midnight was something I really was really yearning for. Hearing about the days when I hadn't yet got the chance to step into the world, about the difficulty of life, sufferings of a mother giving birth for her first experience and difficulties of bringing up a baby besides having a job, were all the things that put me into deep thoughts... Hearing that I would one day rejoice having been bought a new pair of shoes and listening to the story of my illnesses in childhood and my weakness, all shout to me that "What a negligible creature I used to be!". Under God's shelter and compassion I was granted a pair of human, called parents, who took the burden of bringing me up and so I flourished!
One the other hand ,there are stories of those who ,in stead of flourishing, went down the road of life to where it brought about weakness and debility to them !... It is just the photo album that keeps in his chest, the heroic days of their youth... Those days are even getting erased from the minds of the nearby relatives.
That's it, the most natural process of humanity ! The process of inching your way from the cradle to the grave... Although this process is too natural to be doubted or disbelieved, many of us still forget that " we were nothing at first and finally shall turn into nothing as well ! "

If only we think of our seconds more precious than discarding it in return of the least price ever, if we more cherish the moments we are together and remember that this togetherness wont last forever... If only we remember that heart-touching sentence of the holy Qoran saying : "Creating you in your mothers' wombs, creation after creation beneath three levels of darkness... This is how your Lord is. So where are you heading off to ? "... If Only so, We won't head off to the wrong destination !

SmartSis! listening ?

SmartSis !
Be strong! Keep up your spirits girl !... If the loneliest of all, There's at least one who believes in you and backs you as long as you're on the right track!
He's hearing every single word you say and knows whatever of hidden stuff that resides in thy chest! He won't leave a "Hi" without giving back one !

Beauty of the World around

Taking a careful look at the picture above, you'll find a bird's nest on the tree.
This nest belongs to the pair of pigeons which came to live with us in the courtyard since a couple of weeks ago... It was not until a few days ago when we got honored to realize that they're expecting a baby :D It is indescribable how compassionately they care about their only one egg ! My observations have revealed that the male pigeon sits on the egg from early in the morning till around 4 pm while the female finds some time to go and find food for her. Then she gets back and they change places ! She sits on the egg the whole time till the next morning ! ( My father taught me how to distinguish between the male and female;) )

There's such glory in the nature that plays with our eyes while staring at it! ...and right after that we'll reach to the point that How great the creator of all these luxurious stuff must be !

I am quite a lot interested in learning from nature. This interest is so much that I'm even trying a lot to make a connection between my field of study and the nature. And to my happiness, they weren't as apart as I thought they could be. There are algorithms directly inspired from nature rules. Many artificial intelligence subjects have originated basically from learning from nature. Nice enough , we have a cool realm of science called "Bio-inspired computing".
When I think of these beautiful aspects of my field, I start realizing the fact that no other major field would fulfill my eagerness towards engineering and biology, this perfectly !
I was not aware of the correctness of the choice of my field once I chose it and now it's about time to bestow a BIG thank upon the lord who assured me of that when I was uncertain !

Cry ! Crying's beautiful !

Hi there my Lord, the sole possessor of all lines I write down , the soul of this small part of the web !

Please do me the favor of listening to me once more , put up with Smartsis's nagging for another time and do bestow me a fresh hug of your spirit so that I vitalize my soul by means of it !
Ow Lord , you're aware of the wishes that reside in this chest , you're aware of all divine or devil intentions that live behind all I happen to do in my life, you know about that familiar grudge that turns up to tickle my throat every now and then ..Ow Lord ! you know about that ridiculous story that got born and buried lonely in this heart .... It's in vein to start writing about such stories as you know them in much more detail than I do ! But I do feel good about restating them since it causes me to feel like I'm sharing them with you .. it lightens the weight of them !

Are you again in charge of my recent life ? Do you feel the presence of that usual grudge triggering my tears to drop ? Are you still having that former lovely compassion towards me ? ... Do you still care about this sinful creature ?

If I make one wish out of all wishes in the world , would you promise to grant me that ?
"I shall ask you to give YOU to me " .... having you as a companion , as a carer would be the most precious gift you can ever honor someone with ! ... You just please don't go away ... !

Overblessed

Seemply put , there's a couple days I've started to more clearly realize the fact that you've blessed me BIG time all along ! It's not something I start murmering just verbally ... It is felt deep down! ...... Ow I'm speechless Lord !
You see sins but you hide them , you see unfaithfulness but you keep being loyal , you know I don't deserve but still you bless , you see i'm arrogantly going the way I wish but fatherly you again take my hands and guide to the way , you know SmartSis has too many defects but still you don't take your eyes off her ...
You admitted all above yourselfe ... you said : "His blessings has been great to you BIG TIME !" ... I couldn't be more shy !

SmartSis-kind Wishes

The importance of human being compared to that of other species; has all along been due to his ability to choose, decide and live a self-made life. Its been clearly declared in holy books that human beings are constantly being examined ... they're facing dilemmas every now and then, thinking of possible solutions and choosing the best that fits they priorities !
Yes ! This is what we ought to be .. this is what makes us different ! ..We build up our lives the way we want !

But , Have you not ever moaned about the difficulty of it ? Have you not ever felt the weight of pressure that pushes against you while you're caught in a condition not knowing what to do? Have you not ever sighed :"Couldn't you come down Lord for a while and show me the right way? "
.. Now when I track down the problem to the very small possible reasons; I start realizing that It's been all my fault .. You are indeed very close Lord , How come I don't see or hear you at times ?
Today I clearly reached to the truth of the sentence saying : " Lord ! Do I have any one but you?" ... Yes , there's indeed no one who's as caring , as close and as lovely as you !
Forgive me for the sins that bring about miseries ! Forgive me for the sins that make my requests get rejected ! Forgive me for the sins that take away the blessings .... Lord ! forgive me for all sins I did ..
If only you give me back those innocent eyes that could see signs of you wherever they would take a glance on ... If only you give me back those ears which had your voice in the background of whatever they heard ! .. If only you call me a close friend of yours again ...
Then , The whole spirit of the world will get poured within my soul !

Sleepy

Simply can't be more tired or sleepier than this ...
having been having a very hectic week and having still two days of it remained ; I'm already out or battery ...
When tasks go over one's power !
My eyelids dropped ... z Z z Z Z z z z z ....

moments of despair

When you've ran into a trouble ...
When it has disorganized your mind ...
When your mind's showing a busy sign at every time you drop by it ...
When all your moments are kind'a getting affiliated with this problem ...
When there's no way to get things right ...
When no poor solution runs to your mind ...
When there's not a single way you can share your problem with someone ...
When no one looks to be a bit beneficial ...
When any possible action will change things for worse ...
When you clearly sense the meaning of "there's nothing to do" ...
When that naughty nerve is again pushing against your head ...


The only thing that will surely work for you is to relaxingly close your eyes, think of how great God can be and say : "I'll put things up to you ! .. Get things right ! "

Holiday rituals !

It is for a number of common rituals in NoRooz that makes it special besides being blissful !
The rituals initially starts with house cleaning before the holiday begins ! ... The whole house's gonna be cleaned ! If you've got a neat mom like one of mine, you gotta do a lot of house chores by the beginning of the Spring holidays. This year near the Spring cleanings, I left for Rasht and was absent during this lovely activity :D .. Yup ! I survived it ! ...

Next it's time for new year SHOPPING ! The most beautiful part of the story indeed ! :P
After that , It's turn for setting the Haft-Sin table ... It is occasional to set a table on which a number of seven objects whose names begin with 's' are placed ! Each item put , is a symbol .. The red fish in the jug is the most lovely one ! For more info about the Haft-Sin table see the link below:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haft-Sin

There's one more cute thing ! During the holiday relatives meet each other ! Younger relatives usually go to visit the older ones ! .. Grand parents' houses are commonly full of guests in the beginning days of the year !

Yeah ! That's it ! The nice occasions all people rejoice and count days down for their arrival at the end of the year !...Won't believe how it is exciting for a student who's counting days for the new year holiday ! ... Sometimes the end of the year happens to be even more exciting than the new year itself ! :D

Have Nice Spring friends !

New Year Wishes ...

As the birthday of nature approaches, we naturally start preparing ourselves for another celebration,for another opportunity to have get to-gathers. People go shopping and decorate their homes. It seems like our daily matters tend to vanish all at a time and the only thing that remains to be thought of , is norooz ! This is how nature energizes people !

Besides all these lovely reasons to be happy, some things start murmuring some special thoughts from inside me ... Things that put me in ponder!

Another year has been gone, another Spring's to come ... A year I've grown up , and technically speaking, a year I've got closer to the end !

Ow, Lord ! ... Looking at the last year I find quite many things to be thankful to you! I do find great improvement in myself comparing to the last one..University affairs got more likable and results improved a lot! I got the benefit of presence if a number of university groups and tried out different human communities..I'd say my social view and experiences indeed flourished! Daddy's business condition passed it's critical point. Grand Pa survived from a few serious health conditions..And above all, I got to more seriously think of a grown up life, coping with the difficulties, rejoicing the niceties! ... I had so few signs of the problem I had the other year ... I can now officially state that I'm relieved of it ! How could I not be appreciative ?!

Although It's been all so good Lord , that usual thing is still murmuring some vague sentences inside me .. You know, I still guess that the inherent hollowness that human is born with, is still being carried by me ! ... The dream day would be the day when you fill it for me...
You are the one who created me ..You are the one who put up the bricks of my soul to build me up .. You know about the delicate features of my being , the ones that I may even be unaware of! So who could be of better guidance than you? Who might possibly offer me better choices than you ?! ...

You know about the small and big wishes that are being stored in this chest year after year very well ... You know what makes this incomplete complete. You know what fills this hollowness ... You know which destination would be closer to the end point you set for me !

Being all so HAKIM , Change things for better .. Change things for better !

Learn to say No!

Coming up with writing new posts is commonly associated with having been caught by some special feelings .. Each time , a specific kind of feeling yields to writing some lines regarding that topic ..
and Yes ... now i'm again caught by special sensations but this time from a different kind!
So my Dear Blog ..
Fasten your seat belt to hear my words ... to let me let out my thoughts !

From the very beginning I didn't have the ink of disobedience in my veins and never learned to learn it! .. Though finishing childhood and entering social life often teaches people how to act in a society to more benefit from it along with being beneficial; I didn't after all, find a poor talent in myself to learn to say NO !
Although many of us apparently accept the fact that we're grown up; deep down we stay a teenager or even a child .. we don't usually wish to admit that those days of innocence are gone! ...Being one of those many , I was on the same track !
But .. But recently life's changing in a way that forces me to more seriously admit or even sign it to have got grown up ...Choosing for a life! At least in this special case I'll need to learn to say NO if needed!..Learn it Mahsa ! It's already too late ..
ow Lord ! What would be wrong if I could stay a teenager a bit longer? just 4 months are left ,and I shall enter the 3rd decade of my life ..getting 20 !

This expression doesn't work for me!

"The last straw that broke the camel's back"

You probably have heard about the above expression .. It is used in a condition where someone is loaded with a massive amount of physical or mental tasks which are tiring him/her out..right in that condition, an additional piece of task or a worsening condition can make him/her completely give up (like hearing a bad news in the middle of a hug of things to go through and concentrate on) ... Just like a straw that though of being very light, can break a camel's back if added to the bulk of things on his back !

I said all these stuff to say : "This expression doesn't work for me !" :D

right on the moments when i start feeling the last straw's going to be added to my load ... Your kind hands unpack my back and relieve me , Dear Lord! ... Though you might overload someone with heavy luggage , you never break his/her back !
It's all about such delicate kindness of you that makes me keep loving you ! :)
keep being around Lord !

Going to Rasht

Dear Blog !

I know it's long I've not been granted the time to renew you ... But just came to say that :"Though out of sight , but not out of heart !" ... I think of you .. think of writing all that rushes into my mind at times..But no way ! I'm going short of time recently !
But a quick review of my recent life wouldn't kill , huh ?! ;)

We went to RASHT with the company of a number of university friends.. An Ordoo as we'd say :D It was just fantastic .. out of description !!! Yup ! I enjoyed alot .. I hadn't seen Masouleh before and that was Fabulouse ..Bandar Anzali... and WoW Manjil..the nice view above! ...what delicious olives I bought ! uuummmm !
Above all , we had ALOT of fun with friends!

I have a lot to do to make up those 4 days that i was away from my studies ... :-s ..indeed alot ! but that was worth anyway :D

Sweet-Heart Stories

Part Two

Sweet-heart could not at all help crying! Tears were falling uncontrollably. Thinking of such divine life having been over and a lonely journey having been embarked on, were all what she was fearing from. She tried to open her eyes but the direct sun rays shined right into her tender eyes so she had to tighten her eyelids.”Is that where I was supposed to land?” She wondered. “It’s quite cold here … It’s quite odd! I can’t get along with all these harsh stuff … what was that sharp stuff , that creature put into my nose? … Is she a traveler too?!..Anyway she was so big !”

Her crying gradually subsided! There was no way. That was the way it was. Who could disagree with it? Remembering the last words she heard from Lord , She was empowered with a heavenly energy assuming :”It’s gonna be so short , Lord promised me … I already have so much missed home ,how can I then put on staying here for a long while ? I don’t think I ever can attach to this annoying place”. Sweet-heart fell asleep murmuring these words.

“Hi buddy!” the first angel said leaning against the tree. Sweet-heart replied astonished: ”Wow! Look at there ! It is you! my friends …How kind of you to have come to visit me in this strange town …ow no ! Look at this garden! How it resembles our garden at home , Doesn’t it ? … I wouldn’t think I’m gonna land on such a familiar place!”.

”It is you own garden at home!” said the second angel. “We’ll frequently come to take you home for a while till you start getting strong enough to bare the departure! … There’s a lovely thing on the Earth, people call it Sleeping. Whenever you get it, we’ll come on a visit to take you back home. Don’t worry Honey! You can be at home any time you wish to. We’re always around. Lord’s having his eyes on you! ” .

Sweet-heart slowed down happily and said: “How nice of you ! How nice of Lord! … I’m gonna give him a BIG thank the day I get back from the journey.”. “Good bye now sweetie!.. Take care!”. Angels shouted running way.

Sweet-heart opened her eyes. She wondered what that shining creature might be.”Wow! How it smells the Lord …it smells home! … What can that be, Lord?!”.Deep in her wonders she suddenly heard the shining creature saying : “You finally woke up Mommy !”

Sweet-Heart Stories

PART ONE

Sweet-heart was reluctantly packing up her stuff to leave, unwillingly putting things in her luggage as if she were detaining to have her Lord stop her from departing. But her childish efforts were all in vain, Lord by no means seemed to have changed his mind. Sweet-heart was more impatient than waiting to hear a word from him so pleadingly burst into words: "Are you quite sure it is necessary for me to leave? ..You know..Well..I don' wish to! It's quite a lovely life here..Couldn't I just.. ". When Lord cut her words: "You know how dear you've been to me all along!..How come you doubt about my decisions about you? ". Sweet-heart replied in a way that more than ever tried to make her voice lovely: "When you start talking about departure, I unconsciously start doubting whether you truly love me!". Lord focused a fatherly frown on her and told her smiling: "That is exactly the reason why I'm sending you out there! … To show you obvious evidences of all you doubt about! ... to let you grow up, to become thorough, to purify your love towards me and prove mine to you...That's to your benefit, just trust me!"
Sweet-heart was desperate! She picked the luggage up and limped towards the door. Before she turned the door handle, turned back to have her last glance on Lord and whispered:"Don't take your eyes off me …I'll be quite alone! "…Lord whispered back reassuringly:"I will dear! You'll be back soon, promise!"
She opened the door and stepped out while her tears were restlessly slipping down her cheeks …She couldn’t overcome her sobs so she ran away so that Lord wouldn't hear the sound!
She ran into the new world weeping … And that was how she was born !

Hope .. hope ..

It's quite appreciable to see these sensations turning up in me after so long a time ... The lovely vibes that used to abound in me in the past years but tended to gradually vanish as time went on.

Yeah , those glorious days .. Those heart-lifting moments ... Now that i'm writing these lines i clearly sense those feelings with the whole of my heart ... huh .. Remember that piece of paper sticking on the wall for all those years ? , Sure i remember it word by word !



"I am the happiest and luckiest girl in the word
Every on looks up to me and admires me
I am full of positive energy
My future's going to shine ...... "

I had it on my wall for long long time .. Even at spring cleanings i'd formerly warn mom not to ruin the paper by splashing water on it .. i'd sensitively take it off before the cleanings and put it back after that ..
Every day when i'd proudly get up to start another shining day, those encouraging lines on my wall would more enrich me with that historical hope ... heh ..I had a chemistry teacher who once told me : " I wonder about such strong confidence in you! "

nowadays if i ever happen to be captured with that lovely hope , i indeed must cherish it a world ; since they come so scarcely ! ... and tonight is one of those rare nights ! :) i unreasonably see future waiting for me to hug ! I'm recalled of that repetitive sentence : "The future's so bright that burns my eyes " ... I mustn't take all such glorious past for granted and let bygones be bygone .. NO ! bygones are to promise To-comes ! :D ... Had it not been for that compassionate Lord , I never would ever have reached the state i'm now in ! ... it is ungrateful of me to close my eyes at whatever of blessings that has so far been through my life and merely care for the ungranteds ! .. It is not something off the wall to see yourself excel in whatever you embark on ,out of scratch ! ... Something's murmuring in me : "The Lord who first suggested you this path , will indeed be of complete guidance.. Trust the signs and just go on !"

yeah .. maybe i should look for that paper and again stick it on the wall .. or even come up with writing a new one !

You know , when man steps the road of his life , the stones and thorns in his way appear ineffective at first ...His feet are strong and not yet have been hurt by the pebbles ... So he puts on walking on them; nose in the air ... But as the road is more passed , pebbles rise in number , feet get less potent and difficulties turn up ...
Yes ! " Your cup may overflow " ! , the sentence i heard as the answer to "What's wrong?" ...
You know when one's cup may overflow? ... in your journey on the road , when the stones on the ground have cruelly hurt your feet and your heart pleads to you to stop for a sec to take fresh air , watch out that the level of your cup is rising up .. Stop dude ! Stop for a sec and for Goodness's sake let that poor mind be at rest! always leave the safe distance from the top of the cup ! : ) if not , you cup surely overflows !..and if it happens , long will take to make it up !

Happy birthday Daddy !

To my Dear Father ...

Dear Dear Father !
Happy your fortunate birthday ... I'd love the day in which you stepped the world ...
You're the most stalwart , wise, dependable and heart warming human I ever faced !

The flowers above are the birthday gift , my grandmom gave his son !! I admire this motherly affection after these many years ...
I love the narcissus more than all ! .... Narges flowers as we say !

Ur Daughter

Lord ! ... i've got no title !

Hi Dear Lord ,
It's again me ... tired of the daily affairs , somewhat puzzled ...somewhat confused about the philosophy of some matters in life .. with hundreds of thousands of wishes in my backpack, hoping to get somewhere to unpack! .... and It's again you , patiently listening and smiling at my fool words ! :)

Yeah, It's of no wonder ! You said yourself :"Human is created to be hasty!" .. and I'm the daughter of that early Adam, no more than a human being , and consequently "I am in a haste " ... How possibly can i not be in a haste ... pray say how many years will i be honored to live ? ... How many years shall i keep on having this sharp mind , this fresh soul ? How much time will i have for myself to let this mind grow, to let this spirit flourish ? ... You'll admit :"a little indeed " ... So i Do have the right to be hasty !

Today when grand pa returned from the hospital , a weird sense restlessly started turning up in my heart ! ... a mixture of happiness and sorrow ! ... happiness for having him back ..sorrow in wondering about the cheapness of life ! He's been laboring for his family's comfort a whole life , and now we all see him weaken in front of our eyes .... It's not strange though .. Many of you would say :"That's been the way it's always has been !" ...But to me , it's not something I take for granted ! ... It's something that takes me to a deeeeep thought :
"Where are we heading off to ? ... what are we all striving for in our attempts ? ..Have we clearly set or ends , our goals .. or aimlessly just going ahead ? .." ... And consequently i reach to the same point i started the post form ..."I am in a haste to reach the goals you set for me Lord ! I've not got much time ! "

We got born lonely , live lonely and shall die lonely too ....

Today i asked mom :"Mom ! Suppose some one dies , will she or he sense what the hell is going on inside the grave ... ? " .. And she answered me affirmatively though in an ambiguous manner. And I feared ! .. I feared all being so alone ... all such terrifying destination...Ow No Lord .. i doubt there's gonna be such sad end for the story ... Your novel deserves to have got much better scenarios ..I'm more than sure , you're directing the film the way that's best !

Tonight i dont feel like finishing this post ... It's like i wanna go on writing and writing and writing .. Telling you about what's going on inside this lost spirit ... ! Yeah , my spirit is lost ... it's been taken into a thousand of parts ! Put me in the right way Lord !